Incident #25: Anger Between Me And A Christian Brother-Oniovo F.
On one particular Sunday afternoon, I in company of two other close Christian brothers walked towards the dining hall immediately we closed from the Christian Union service. Back then, you couldn’t afford to risk missing the jollof rice for Sunday lunch by getting to the hostel late after the Sunday service,
While we were very close to the dining hall, one of these brothers with whom I was very close, narrated how explosive he could be in anger if anyone displaced any of his things from its original position. As soon as I heard this, I turned to him and said it shouldn’t be so. He retorted sharply that, that was his own way of handling things, and nobody can change it. I tried to explain to him why he needed to be tolerant but he flared up and started to defend himself.
I was very calm while trying to explain to him the lessons I had earlier on learnt from the Holy Spirit and Dr. John, that ‘you can’t stop people from hurting you, even if you succeed greatly in not offending someone, you should build up yourself to take hurts and disappointments without overreacting and allowing it to do some damage’. People tend to naturally feel judged or condemned by another who rebukes and tries to proffer solutions to their errors. This is simply because such persons have gotten used to showing that attitude for a long time and have personally justified their actions as being very right.
I calmly explained to this brother that as Christians, we are always responsible for our actions and reactions to what people do to us; he got upset and came out of the line (by this time we were on queue inside the dining hall) and walked out.
As soon as this brother left us, I felt unhappy, and I’m not sure I ate the food myself. May be I did, but surely didn’t enjoy the meal. I couldn’t imagine he could miss the Jollof because of anger. From that day onward I noticed that he started avoiding me, and this happened for at least one week.
After a while, God started dealing with me so strongly to initiate reconciliation, because to whom much is given much is also required.
I could no longer bear this. As I was studying in one of the classrooms one late night, I sensed the urgency to look for my brother. I went from one floor to the other searching for him until I saw him reading in one of the classrooms on the ground floor. He was sitting by a central table, facing other students on some row of seats tapering from the back towards the front. He was surprised to see me, and as I walked up to him, he quickly got up and we immediately embraced each other in front of everybody in the classroom. Our action caused no small stir as everyone was quiet except me and my brother, who exclaimed in his native Urhobo language, ‘Oniovo me‘(My brother).
The amazing thing that happened was that for the whole period we spent in the campus (more than one year), and up till date we never visited this case to say who was at fault or not. Our love for God and for one another consumed our differences.
Remember, the bible stated in the book of Ephesians, “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,” (Eph. 4:26-27), and further also in Psalms, “Let go of anger and leave rage behind! Don’t get upset-it will only lead to evil.” (Psalm 37:8 CEB).
The bible didn’t say you shouldn’t get angry, but watch your anger, or control your anger so it does not lead you to doing what God does not want you to do. How many times have Christians gotten angry and withdrawn from fellowshipping with one another, even withdrawing completely from rendering services because of the offenders?
There had also been cases when husbands and wives deny each other the pleasure of love all because of anger. Many don’t even do things together any longer as the wonderful Mr and Mrs they used to be, just because one has taken offense beyond the scope of the word of God.
- When you don’t know how to deal with your anger, surely you would slip into this second stage where you allow the sun to go down on your wrath.
One day during one of our mid-week services, I asked brethren to share openly what they have grown away from or have been able to overcome; and to our amazement a dear sister (married) and supposedly quiet, took the microphone and told us how she would keep malice with someone who offended her for up to two years.
If you are reading this and you are still alive despite the offense in your life coupled with how angry you have been against another human being, know assuredly that God has graciously given you this chance to repent, so you don’t perish in anger and bitterness. If Christ comes today at rapture will you be going with Him with anger and bitterness in your soul? This is the time to receive His grace, take His dose of love, and give your offender God’s love even as He showers His Love on you. Remember God will not forgive those who don’t forgive others their sins. (Mark 11:25:26)
Incident #26: Husband And Wife
A lady came to report her husband’s attitude to me one day. And as she spoke I asked the Lord to help me give her the right counsel. No sooner than I started talking when she quickly adjusted herself and asked, ‘Pastor, did my husband report me to you?’ I told her ‘No’. Then she said further, ‘Pastor, I realize I’m the one to change’. I totally agreed and counselled her, and later spoke to her husband.
There is always truth in wanting to change ourselves first in order for us to gain someone else. At the end we discover that we have a better opportunity to help the other person to do the right adjustment.
