CHAPTER 2: THREE CHARACTERISTIC WAYS OF EXPRESSION

CHAPTER 2: Three Characteristic Ways of Expression

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. 20. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. (James 1:19-20 NLT)

Incident #2: A New Baby? But She Could Have Killed Her Husband

This is one story I will never forget. Many years back, a Christian brother reported to me that one beautiful young lady was having a great fight with her husband. As soon as I heard and was out of my office for this rescue mission, the brother gave me some more alarming news, ‘Pastor! The woman is naked and has a knife in her hand’.

As a holiness preacher, the word ‘naked’ jolted me and then I stood and turned with an attempt to walk back to my office. But I quickly thought to myself, ‘knife! Naked!’ I was momentarily confused. All of a sudden, I decided to take the risk and I got into their house. Believe me! Both husband and wife were locked in a big struggle in the dark.

There was power outage, and the only source of light was a glimmer coming from the lamp in one corner of their living room close to where their little baby was sleeping on a mattress; and truly she was naked and with a knife in her hand. All she was saying in vehement anger while her husband was trying to prevent her from using the knife on him was, ‘I will kill you and kill myself’

Nobody needed to tell us that she meant it as it appeared like an external force had come over her. She was not even bothered about her nakedness or attempting to tie her wrapper back in the presence of one other man and myself, until we finally succeeded in taking the knife from her clenched fist. I later gave her some counselling and was glad that her husband didn’t drive her away.

Barely a year after our church had relocated; I was in that area to pick up some of my clothes from the Laundry when I saw this same woman. We explained Theer Characteristic Ways of Repression pleasantries and then she joyfully broke the news that she had just had a new baby, and she insisted that see the new thing God had done for her and to the same husband she had wanted to kill, all because of ANGER and binerness. That was their second child

Imagine where this Christian sister and her husband would have been by now if the devil’s ploy had been successful. HELL! Secondly what would have been the fate of theit first born child? And thirdly the baby in her womb then would have been sent back to the sender-God in heaven with all the opportunity to serve God and humanity dashed in a fit of mummy’s anger?

Three Different Ways Of Expressions

Characteristically, anger is naturally handled or expressed in three forms, suppressed, expressed, and released Each form of expression varies according to the temperamental attitude of each individual. For instance someone may be very hurt and decide to go very quies or very moody; while some persons may be very loud over just a small stit of anger, and won’t mind everyone around him of her to bear.

A very quiet Christian lady confessed how God delivered her from keeping malice with people even up to two years when offended. Some people may be very quiet and decide to suddenly destroy things or artack the one who provokes them in a dastardly manner without letting people know that they have been hurt Anger can be suppressed, expressed or released depending on a lot of factors-spiritual, social and family backgrounds.

Suppressed Anger

This may also be known as unexpressed anger, or refrigerated anger. The one who is offended decides to bury anger because he/she feels it may not be the right atmosphere to show it. Some deny being hurt when confronted and in so doing do not feel obligated to settle or deal with the problem, thus pushing anger into a filing cabinet (subconscious) for another day.

This method of treating anger is very destructive, and very expensive on the long run against relationships and even the physical health of the person who does so. So many with this characteristic submit easily to thoughts compelling them to, walk out, smoke, go back to the beer parlor or hotel, or do something stupid like committing suicide etc. More married men than married women have had to end up in the bosom of another parmes, thus breaking their marriage vows because they allowed the anger suppressed in their rub-conscious to brew. They always end up blaming thest spouse for being the one who drove them into “the corner of the rooftop” (Pro 21:9, 19).

Suppressed anger has the characteristic nature to brew underneath like a leaven, and eats up like a cancer Majority of people who appear to be very quiet or introvert in nature are the least persons one would ever predict to have this untouchable dynamite, but amazingly many of them do and end up surprising everybody including themselves And such revengeful mission could be very terrible (2 Samuel 3:26, 27; see Roger-like anger, page 178).

Many of this kind of unpredictable fellows lose their friends easily and frequently for that matter.
Unresolved anger, (the only anger that is buried alive) remains the major reason why many marriages break easily

Incident #3: Absalom’s Anger! Buried Alive For Two Full Years

(2 Samuel 13:21-32)

“But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 And Alsalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. 23 And it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sherpshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim, so Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 Than Absalom came to the king and said, “Kindly note, your servant has sheepshearers, please, let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go now, lest we be a burden to you.” Thew he surged him, but he would not go, and he blessed him. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom urged him, so he let Amnon and all the king’ sons go with him. 28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, “Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon! then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.” 29 So the servants of Alsalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled. 30 And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to Darvid. saying, “Absalom has killed all the king’s soms, and not one of them is left!” 31 So the king arose and tore kis garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, “Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for only Amnon is dead Fa by the command of Absalom this has been determined fro day that he forced his sister Tamar.”

In this incident, it’s noted that,

Absalom was angry with his step brother Amto Just like has father David and several others were
He decided not to even talk to him about it. (Vs22)
Absalom succeeded in suppressing his anger for a period of two years. (Vs23)
He carried out revenge against Amnon wh everybody had thought the incident had been laid t rest
One day, he invited Amnon alongside other kings children in disguise that he wanted to share ha sheep
He waited until he (Amnon) was drunk and then commanded his servants to kill him: (Vs 28-29)
After his return from exile, he ordered his servants set Joab’s field on fire even though he was instrumental to helping him receive the king’s pardon. (2 Samuel 14.1-33)

Absalom’s anger rode on his arrogance perpetually into deeper sins until he met with his destruction when he plotted to take over the throne of his father, David. He consistently listened to wrong advice. His outward beauty including his long hair which weighed five pounds and his charismatic moves were all tainted with his bad behavior including anger. (2 Samuel 14:25-26)

The bible says. “He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy” (Pro 29:1)

Expressed (articulated) Anger

Expressed anger can either be verbal or non-verbal in nature. In fact, more than half of our communications are done non-verbally. Verbal or non-verbal expressions may be negative or positive. Expressed anger occurs when the person offended instantly reacts outwardly to show how hurt he or she is. There’s nothing bad in expressing anger verbally, but it must be kept within the parameters of the Word, and not as a tool for revenge. This is much better than suppressed anger but only if the action expressed is guarded against revenge or breaking God’s Word, remember the bible says, “Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26)

“Don’t be quick to fly off the handle. Anger boomerangs…..” (Ecclesiastes 7:9 MSG)

The non-verbal ways anger is expressed also include, a stern look, a cold stare, the slamming of a door; ignoring someone, working out silently, cleaning the whole house like one is in a competition; uncontrollable crying, excessive drinking of alcohol etc.

Released Anger

This is the case where someone dismisses anger of finally forgets it by letting the anger and the one whe offends go without holding any grudge or relating the incident to anyone else in bitterness or as a result of regret

The one who gets angry has made a conscious decision that anger is no longer needed and it is therefore dropped. It takes a lot of sacrificial discipline to get to this point. And if you don’t believe me see the constitution of love as stated in the book of Fint Corinthians chapter thirteen. Let’s be very frank, how many believers truly live with this kind of Love?

God’s grace is always available and very sufficient for all. How many times have we all sung wonderful songs of God’s love and still remain far from living it the way God commands us to? For instance, many sing song like, Draw me nearer, nearer blessed Lord to the cross where thou hast died…” etc., and refuse to forgive their fellow brethren who had one time or the other hurt them. They totally forget or discountenance God’s Word which says,

“Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (Pro 19:11 NLT).
“A fool uttereth all his arger, But a wise man keepeth it back and stilleth it” (ASV 19:11)
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your father in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:25.26)

Although released anger remains the better option in handling anger, but following our Lord Jesus on how to deal with it remains the best way every child of His, must put into practice in order to control it. (Read more in chapter 17)

COOL YOUR PIPES

Incident #4: Anger Can Be Stirred When Truth Is Wrongly Understood

I had just finished eating my dinner one blessed evening and had barely slept off, leaving the tray with the empty dishes on the bed, when my wife came into the bedroom and said disgustingly, ‘See this man!” Truly, I didn’t know how I managed to catch her words in my sleep, but I did.

I opened my eyes a little and pretended I was still sleeping while the anger within me began to boil, and at the same time I started thinking of how to reply her over referring to me as This man‘.

After she left with the tray, I got up and sat at the foot of the bed by her dressing table with my two hands on the sides of my head, seriously musing and waiting to spray her with my annoyance.

Not long after she came in, she completely beat me hands down through her statement when she saw me and this was totally in contrast to who or what 1 portrayed her to be over the previous one she made. As she walked in through the door, she said these words in such a romantic way, with a drag, ‘Mon Cheeeeri (my Darling) you have woken up?’

When I heard this, I didn’t answer her because my emotion had gone ahead of me, but I sat there and immediately started the process of detoxifying my mind and emotions. I thank God for prevailing on my brewing negative reactions. Each time I remember this, I always thank God for teaching me a lesson on patience “Lord Help me to always put a seal over my mouth instead of submitting to anger“.

When I shared this in Church during our School of Marriage programme, people really laughed, but then when I was going through this it wasn’t anything near fun at all. God wants you to learn how to “dridle your anger, trash your wrath and cool your pipes” (The Message Bible, Psalm 37:8)

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs
If I had blown it by lashing out at her to retaliate, she wouldn’t have given me the love booster-‘Mon Cheri

Incident #5: Incidents Of Anger With God

Throughout the scriptures, there seems to be at least five hundred (500) places where the bible records incidents when God was provoked, demonstrated his anger or poured forth His wrath; or allowed enemies to attack the children of Israel. Some of these places, although the word anger wasn’t necessarily mentioned, no doubt suggest that God was irritated or grieved as seen from the kind of sanctions meted out to those who violated His holy principles. A few of such instances where God’s anger was provoked are described in Exo. 32:1-10 Num. 14:23, 16:30, Judges 2:12; 1 Kings 14:22:21:22:2 Kings 21:15; 23:26, Psm. 106:29, Ezra 5:12, Isa. 1:4; Jer 8.18, Zech. 8:14

Even Jesus Got Angry!

Recently, I recalled in my memory one of the songs we sang way back in primary school about the Lord Jesus The song talks about one’s desire to be like the gentle Jesus; and that no one has ever had a word of anger from His mouth even once. Really? Contrary to this song let’s see few of such places in scriptures where Jesus became angry

In Psalm 2:12 (NLT), we read, “Submit to God’s royal sen, er he will become angry, and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities for his anger flares up in on instant

The Amplified and Contemporary English Version in summary reads, “Kiz the Son [pay homage to Him is purity), or show respect to his son lest He be angry and you perish in the way, for soon shall His wrath be kindled, because if you don’t, the Lord might become furious and maddenly destroy you

Our insubordination and lack of respect for Christ attract His terrible anger. When one disobeys Him and turns down His mercy for forgiveness, He becomes angry God who can make life can also kill. Secondly, when the hedge is broken the serpent is allowed to bite. (See Ecclesiastes 10:8 and Proverbs 6:15)

In addition, Proverbs 29:1 reads “He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy”

Cutting from fellowshipping with the brethren and God in anger has a very serious implication here on earth and hereafter- during God’s judgment. Don’t forget, “for our God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:29)

We also read how Jesus was sad and angry against the hardness of the people’s hearts when they wanted to find an occasion to accuse Him for healing a man with a withered hand in the Synagogue on a Sabbath day,

Then He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they kept silent. And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other. (Mark 3:1-5 NKJV)

The New Living Translation declares in the fifth verse, “He looked around at them angrily and was deeply Saddened by their hard hearts. …”

Another incident where Jesus showed that He was angry is recorded in John 2:15-17:

“And having made a lash (a whip) of conds. He drove them all out of the temple (enclosure) both the sheep and the cnen spilling and scattering the brokers’ money and upsetting and tossing around their trays (their stands) 16 Then to those who seld the doves He said take these things awsty (out of here) Make not My Father’s house a house of merchandise (a marketplace, a sales shop)! 17 And Hu disciples remembered that it is written [in the Holy Scriptures) Zeal (the fervor of love) for Your house will eat Me up. [I will be conssumed with jealousy for the honor of Your house].” (AMPL)

Sure, Jesus wouldn’t have been smiling and lashing out the whip in a friendly way. He must have been very angry, because He couldn’t condone the abomination He saw in God’s house. I wonder how angry He is today concerning too many abominable things people do in some of our churches. It is okay for us to get angry but not allowed to violate God’s word or pour forth any wrath

In conclusion, anger must be felt, expressed and released. Many people who feel angry don’t know how to properly express and release anger without adding more injury or creating more offence. I strongly believe, that too many people who tend to suppress anger get to express it in more terrible manner because they don’t know how to release or let go the anger

For instance, drawing from the example of Absalom asl have carefully explained on page fifty-eight, Absalom expressed his anger after suppressing it for two good years. This culminated into a chain of reactions that finally led to several other people’s death including him. One of the healthiest ways to express anger is to be assertive – not aggressive, and without hurting others.

The way you respect yourself and others will help you to know how to treat people better when reacting in moments of anger, and this in turn will positively affect the way people relate to you as well.

Summary for Part 1

When the peace or comfort of someone is threatened anger comes up through some forms of irritation or displeasure
Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity, from mild irritation to intense fury and rage, from a swift or quick annoyance to a full display of wrath
Anger is not an evil thing after all until it gets overboard
When anger that is dormant in man is stroked, it says, I’m hurt.’
Our displeasure against hurt is not sin, but may lead to sin if we don’t control our action that follows.
Anger is given to us as part of our emotions to defend our personal borders, integrity and what we have, Otherwise we will all be zombies.
Anger simply communicates the feelings of hurts or dislikes that we experience
Mismanaged anger can give the devil a base to carry out some evil.
Unmanaged or uncontrolled anger remains one of the reasons too many marriages have gone down either in divorce or separation
A downward (negative) step you take in anger simply adds a D to it and makes anger Danger(ous) to you and those around you
Anger, uncontrolled, has the capacity to be negatively productive and may graduate through some demonic influence into ‘wrath, violence, and then MURDER’
Anger can be expressed, suppressed and released
Anger can be stirred when truth is wrongly interpreted.
Jesus was angry too and will be angry with those who do not embrace Him as their Lord and Savior.
Our insubordination and lack of respect for Christ attract His terrible anger.