Chapter 4: My Disobedience
To obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.
23. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry…
(1Sam 15:22-23)
TWo junctions away from home while fuming within me and approaching the bus-stop, called Okunola, I heard an inspiration in me, “Don’t go.” Was it God? Yes! He said this to me about three times. “Go back”. I knew the Lord was telling me to go back and settle with my wife, but I deliberately ignored Him as I was determined to get to my destination. By this time anger had wielded up so much inside of me and instead of me to simply obey, I put up a front and said, ‘I’m not going; whatever wants to happen, let it happen’.
By this time it was just few minutes to seven o’clock in the evening. And guess what! I never really got to the destination I was heading to.
This is usually the danger zone where many had fallen because it is the period when the sun seems to be getting set while we are still angry. Invisible cracks are then created spiritually for devourers to come in first before any physical manifestation begins to take place.
The scripture says, in Ephesians 4:26 and 27
“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil”.
When we get angry and disobey God’s Word by acting contrary, we step into a dangerous zone and become vulnerable to attacks, spiritually or physically.
The New Living Translation renders it thus;
“…don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”
Heavy Traffic Flogged Me Out
I totally ignored God’s word and hit the road. We had hardly gone half way to my destination when we met an unpleasant traffic situation that dragged on snail speed. I had never experienced such traffic snarl before and I don’t think I have since then. By this time, it was few minutes to nine in the evening. I got seriously stuck in this traffic with terrible heat, sweat and hunger in the company of other passengers inside the bus for about one and a half hours just to traverse only half way of the second trip. I was calmly seated by the window side hearing co-passengers clattering away and talking about the whole scenario; watching the menace of bus driver as they maneuver in their usual mindless manner.
There’s this phrase from those in Lagos that all the Danfo (commercial bus) drivers have the same father due to similar mannerism they always displayed especially when in traffic. I thought of terminating my journey and returning back home, but for the traffic that was also on the opposite direction. The night was settling so fast and there I was in one of the worst traffic situations I had never found myself. Having had my emotions ripped with anger, my body stressed, and hunger doing its own rounds in my stomach; I started the slow process of inner search.
While the bus dragged slowly towards the three quarter point of the journey, it started to dawn on me how foolish and disobedient I had been. We eventually waded through the terrible traffic, and got to Okota few minutes away from nine in the evening. The bus terminus was full of people and activities like a beehive. When I alighted from the bus (I believe God in His mercy allowed me to be confused a bit in my mind as I thought it would be too late for me to conclude my journey), I thought within me, ‘If I get to the final bus-stop and then to that pastor’s home, what time would that be? And when would I be getting back home?’ Guess what? I didn’t even know the way to the place so much, and to make the matter worse I forgot the address of my destination right back at home!
I alighted from the bus and stood for some time looking very foolish and, emotionally and physically stressed. I was spiritually distressed, as I felt disconnected from the leadership of the Holy Spirit due to my insensitivity and disobedience. At the bus-stop, I started having some hunger cramps in my stomach and I had to buy some cooked maize. I devoured one cob while standing before the maize seller, and later bought a smaller one due to insufficient fund. The corn wasn’t sweet, but I didn’t really mind as long as my stomach was getting calm from its revolt. I didn’t really mind whether anybody knew me or not in the midst of the crowd stranded at the park. Regrets flooded my soul. Shall I tell you? I spem almost the last money left with me at home on this fruitless journey.
Right Sense At The Wrong Time
God said to me, ‘Go back, go back’, when I was just fev Only if I had heeded to the prompting in my spirit when meters away from home, I wouldn’t have wasted God’s time and all that strength and money. But for the ego in me, already fueled by anger, shame and pride having to turn back few minutes after I had left and then going back to the one who didn’t even bother to ask. ‘Where are you going?”.
As I stood there at the bus stop helpless, I came to my senses and quickly thought what next to do. God really had mercy on me for not allowing me remember to hold the address of the pastor’s place where I had planned to visit, and secondly for not having sufficient funds on me. This became a point of brokenness for me. I came to my self and began the process of detoxifying my mind.
Remember, the prodigal son came to himself (his senses) (Luke 15:17-19); Nabal also came back to his senses, but it was too late for him to stop the cardiac arrest sent from God (1 Samuel 25:36-38). The bible says, “ do not let the sun go down on your wrath”. When we do, then we give room for the devil. The second half of the verse already warned, “nor give place to the devil.” (Ephesians 4: 26, 27).
When I came back to my senses, I knew I had to:
- Go back home to my wife, to
- Tell her ‘I am sorry’
I changed my route back home and arrived some minutes to eleven in the night. My wife opened the door for me to come in and said to me, ‘You know that am tired, and I need to sleep, I’ve been waiting, I would have gone to bed”: My reply (with a hint of anger) was, ‘I went out, I told you I was going out’. The next thing was “to your tents o Israel. “I walked to the guest room (We slept in different rooms). I told God I was truly sorry, and later approached her to tell her I was sorry for what I did.
Isn’t that what usually happens? We say sorry when the deeds have been done. Boiling anger or anger that erupts can be very bad if not well managed. It makes one dare anything. Anger, when fully on course could render someone spiritually and mentally blind or deaf to God, to people of goodwill who want to help, and also to the surrounding situations.
